RANDOM THOUGHTS

Who would've thought that the title 'rightfully' earned in first year undergrad of being "Sleeping Beauty" would become meaningless now.

In Ramadhan, can 'Iftari', the sunset meal for breaking of the fast, also be considered as a "break-fast"? If so, does one eat 2 breakfasts?

I awoke to a dream earlier tonight about work, in particular was with a few doctors that I worked with. Let's go back to work...chemo is only so pleasant, BUT medicine, now that's a good hobby to practice (no pun intended).

I've found a great teacher in my doc, who teaches me the art of medicine often. If only he were a cardiologist, I'd love to work with him. His office staff has mapped out post-tx career for me as an oncology PA with them...wow, I didn't know one could land a job as a patient...lol! Being an oncology patient is really a special experience; being an oncology clinician is even more. I'm only as special as to wear the patient hat. I say leave the clinician hat with the pros!
But cardiology is still the most interesting, maybe not as special, but still interesting!!!

Why is it that:
I think about knitting when my hands are blistered
I can paint, but have no desire to
I want to watch something on tv when my eyes burn, but get tired of tv at other times
I clean when I don't have much time, but only think about it when I have lots of time
I have great thoughts to put in my diary when it's not near me, but have a writer's block when it is near me...

This reminds me of Alanis Morissette's song,
"It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's some advice that you just didn't take
But who would've thought, it figures
Isn't it ironic, don't you think
A lil too ironic, yeah I really do think....

Writing can be very therapeutic, along with thinking. If only most of us would do a little bit of thinking, we'd live in a happier society.

Now, can I really go back to sleep after being stimulated by the light of my laptop? Who knows, but I'll go try something else now, and when I find the remedy of falling asleep without meds (since I'm quite stubborn about not wanting to take many useless meds), I'll share the secret!

Top Interesting Questions

Time is here to have some fun with the Top 6 “Interesting Questions”!!!
Ya’ll disappointed me by stopping at 6…I’ll await the remaining 4 ?s.
This was actually written before this last chemo, but never got out, so you’ll get another post soon (with pics I hope this time!)

1. (hesitatingly asking) So, can she talk?
My thoughts: Funny you ask, because I’ve become a mime after chemo started, and I only answer in “uh-huhs” & “uh-umms”

2. "Her hair grew back so quickly!”
My thoughts: I owe it to Noni juice…tastes great, less filling!!!
This was quite a recent comment when I wore my long wig (2 weeks after I had worn my short one). I’m soooooooooo going to have fun with people between my short & long hair, & between black, highlighted, brunette, & blond!

3. Here, the question is not funny, but the response is (asked to a family member about my status) How’s she doing?
My thoughts: (You have to have seen “I am Legend” with Will Smith to truly get this one).
“On her chemo days when someone enters her room, she will sniff around & ask, “do I smell human flesh?” And then, she’ll start throwing things at you & bite you if you come close to her.
This one’s my favorite…as part of the sequel to “The Legend Continues…”

4. Are you bedridden with feeding tubes coming out of you?
My thoughts: Not anymore, I threw them at people entering my room…see #3 for more clarification.

5. Kaise dhande karti hai (What the heck did you do?)
My thoughts: Found it on sale so I thought I’d try it out…didn’t know it’d turn out to be cancer. Return policy expired…darn!

6. “You’re having too much fun.”
As what…a cancer patient? This one I actually resent. I didn’t realize there was a way oncology patients were supposed to act… I’m sorry, but it’s my first time having cancer, I don’t know how to act like a pro, so I choose to just LIVE like ME!

I have learned to enjoy everyday of my life & to live it to the fullest (which isn’t much for some days - depending on when it falls in the chemo cycle). Sad that it took cancer to teach me, but most of us learn after a life-changing event anyways! And I aint dum, so I learn quickly J.

And the next time, anyone chooses to tell me that I’m having too much fun (as a cancer pt), I’ll offer them a ‘chapait’ with that (chapait is not found in the dictionary, it’s a word developed by Hinu-Zee-Mina with a lil French & Punjabi!)

Motivational Quotes

Thought I'd share some of the quotes that I've received from a friend. Thanks Jenny!

• Let the beauty of what you love be what you do. ~Rumi
• The so called secrets of success will not work unless you do. ~Anon
• We are all born orginals - why is it so many of us die copies? ~Edward Young
• Take risks: if you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise. ~Anon
• A leader, once convinced that a particular course of action is the right one, must be undaunted when the going gets tough. ~Ronald Reagan
• Smile! It's the second best thing you can do with your lips
• The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion which stands at the cradle of true art & true science. ~Albert Einstein
• There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all
• The work of an individual still remains the spark that moves mankind forward. ~Igor Sikorsky

Cycle 3 is over TODAY!!!

This one went exceptionally well. They gave me better meds that led to an emesis score of “0”! And if you don’t know what “emesis” is, build your vocab & look it up :-). No big side effects, just very sleepy. But, made a few strides this week:

1. Monday was “THE DAY”…finally the head shaving occurred & it was dealt with style & hygiene by my new barber, Amit! Might I say that I look pretty Hot! It’s a beautiful smooth head. It’s quite tempting to just rub it all the time…but believe it or not, hair’s already starting to grow again. Go figure, it’s Bangali hair, it does not stay hidden for long.

2. I finally had enough counts to get out of home this week. Went to the hospital on Monday (NOT as a patient, but rather as a provider for a class…hey it doesn’t matter if I’m an inactive provider, I was still there, & I learned, & that’s all that matters!). Also gotta meet most of my favorite colleagues, albeit, it was a short visit! I do miss working though…nothing like working in medicine!

3. I had enough energy to run a few errands after my chemo yesterday, and after a nice long nap, even made it to JK, purposefully after all the services were over! Too bad I missed the rumor mill…would’ve loved to know what people are saying about me. Apparently, someone got my name confused with another person & told others that she had cancer (who knows if this girl even exists, although, it is quite a common name). Boy, if she really exists, she’ll be surprised to learn about her diagnosis…ouch! I did get a few stares, but was unable to determine if they were out of pity or just to confirm that ‘yes, she’s the one’…not really a bother, I guess it comes with the territory! It was certainly worth it to catch up with friends, and of course the reason for which we go to JK!

As strong as I’ve been throughout this process, I momentarily thought the world was over when ice cream tasted bitter yesterday :-(. ICE-CREAM & BITTER in the same sentence, now that’s a first. So, I had pistachio home-made ice cream today, & my world was again filled with HAPPINESS – doesn’t take much, does it?

So, I too fell prey to receiving a medicine that I have worked quite closely with, even prior to PA school when I had the opportunity to work in a Heart Failure program, not that I have heart failure by any means. It was an awkward moment, but I asked for it, and I told the nurse that the dose is too much for me, & she realized it after giving it to me :-). Well, at least my experience is coming quite handy. It’s amazing how much I’ve learned about medicine & patient care in the last 2 months that I didn’t learn while I was practicing. But this experience will so make me a better PA. I’ve become my own provider at times, treating myself, catching things early enough to prevent serious damage; I am my own nurse; I am my own social worker! I did decide though to delegate the positions of nutritionist & massage therapist to family members :-). It keeps the practice of medicine alive in my mind at least, more than just cardiology, more than just diagnosis & treatment…but the whole nine yards! Hopefully, I’ll have much more to offer when I’m ready to work again!

I’m still getting calls almost on a daily basis with new friends & acquaintances finding out, so the fire is still spreading! Spoke to my surgical preceptor from my 2nd year in PA school, and hands down he totally recommended the surgeon who’ll do my surgery. “He’s the man in the entire nation” he said, which I already knew, but it’s always comforting to hear that again from friends who’ve actually trained with him. Emory has done close to – oh say somewhere in the single digits – with this kinda surgery. My surgeon has done 5000+! There is no question where I’m having this surgery…thanks to my oncologist who found him & all the other resources that have gotten me thus far. And like my oncologist says, “other than being in an oncologic predicament, Amynah, you’re quite lucky!” And that I AM!

With the next cycle, I’m having a couple dear friends visit from Kansas & Oklahoma! Perhaps, they should write the next blog as their experience…Becca & Leslie, you’re on the spotlight…and please add in lil Joseph’s language too :-).

This one was more content related than the last blog. I think it’s because I’m still sleepy, but I’m tired of sleeping. I’m looking forward to the weekend, because my oncologist has given me permission to enjoy the festivities (within reason of course!).
BTW, I have had a few people say that others were interested in reading my blog. Please fwd their names to me so that I can invite them b/c this is not an open blog for all.