I had a Dream

I had a dream…I was dancing…I woke up & have been in a state of bliss since!

This last week was full of action, and in my world, that’s not a good term to embrace. But the best part is the week’s over, I’m able to walk without pretending like I have the Late Gandhi’s stick in my hand (see below), and I’m even dancing. Ok, so I’m only dancing in my dreams, but as a previous blog proves, dreams do come true, and we do have a wedding coming up in the family, and so I will be dancing!

So this past week, I had my 6th chemo, and as I’ve told a few of you, if I had a common cancer, this would’ve been my last cycle, but one can only expect extraordinary treatments for extraordinary people, and I am convinced that because I have to go through this now, I will have lifetime 100% remission. And also on the bright side of this cancer (if there is one) is that my siblings & my kids will not be at any higher risk because it’s not a genetically predisposed malignancy. Now THIS is called taking one for the team!

I usually start acting up the day after chemo, but this time things were a bit different, and during the earlier part of the week I became quite weak. And for the first time, my head & my face did not look symmetrical with the sunken cheeks – almost looked like my head was larger than it needed to be (which I’m sure some of you ‘mistakenly’ may have said even before me becoming bald!). My skin, especially at the periphery like hands & feet, were really dark, and I walked with a slight hunchback, and my arms would automatically assume the position of carrying a pretend walking stick. And I mostly wore capris this week since it’s been pretty hot, but had my light shawl draped over me for moments of shivering. So, long story short, I looked & walked like Gandhi. So even in the moments of despair, there is still hope for me in that I too may do some good work for the world! Perhaps a stretch, but everyone’s allowed to dream in this blog. Maybe from now on, I’ll pick a world renowned personality to imitate during my chemo weeks…how fun!

I sometimes feel like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex & the City as she writes her column & I write my blog. I wonder when writers write randomly, if they do so to entertain themselves or others? Because I’m thoroughly entertained when I read my blog as I know some of you are too, but I’m not a professional writer, at least not yet!

Oh, after my transfusion makeover, I did get a real MAC makeover – thank you Rozmin! Even though Sameer said I looked like a monster, everybody else thought I looked ravishing, especially with ‘em bold eyes! The makeover was particularly to find matching colors for the wedding attire & Rozmin gave the makeup artist specific instructions on making me look drop dead gorgeous, but then we recalled the ‘drop dead’ part…just didn’t want to overdo anything!

Tis the weekend, which means visitors…and the sun’s about to shine over the porch where I sit on the swing to write this. Time to go!

Cancer Angel - Response Part I

Alright, here with the responses from “Cancer Angel.” That’s the name chosen for the book!

Dad: Most parents think very highly of their children, and the attributes you’ve honored me with having…I’ll have to live up to them because there’s never an end to them! If you return drawing courage & a smile after coming to me, it is because it is a reflection of your strength that bounces off of me!

Mom: I’ll be a premie this time, won’t use the full 9 months. The question is how soon can this premie come forth & still thrive without causing any more trouble!!! Love you...

Sameer: Greasy foods are also acidic foods & cancer thrives in an acidic environment. Greens provide an alkaline environment allowing appropriate enzymatic actions to occur to keep cells healthy. Sorry, but "Greasy Food" myth is negated by science! Although, my fav, “The Legend Continues” is a cracker & will always be the humor highlight of this time ☺

Amit: My new vocabulary words may be limited, but they come with a variety of interpretations at the exponential power. There’s much on the bright side that has already unveiled (a whole another conversation, another day), but you ever wonder why I was diagnosed & my options laid on my birthday! You’re right God doesn’t give anything you can’t handle, cuz He didn’t, and He gives you the means to pull out of it, which He did!

Zee (aka, Jeera Papad): Isn’t it amazing how just living a couple years together can make people think alike cuz your list is quite similar to my list for the same question! I really like the last one, Imperfections. Could you imagine what God would say if we went back to him in a perfect shape - “Who do you think you are trying to be perfect? Only I’m perfect” and he’d send us back saying, “you must return & truly live”…lol. It’s easier to manage the curve balls, that add wrinkles, in one lifetime rather than be sent back by disappointing the Big Guy ☺.

Hinu__: My Danish Queen & the founder of Chapait…life wouldn’t be the same without you. Aare yaar, you’re “totally” too much with your msg! Anytime you need to break a routine day, I’ll have something in the bag to work the magic.

Laila: Shall I join the Spice Girls? You brought back memories from the Spice House that I’d forgotten…wow! As I write this, I have the picture up in my room from CPOI.
You’re one of few with whom I will speak freely of my thoughts, even if it comes while a lot of spice at times!

Nafisa: Did you & Amit copy? I always wanted a sister, but didn’t want to give up being the only girl. You’re the perfect sister! And oh, don’t forget the piggyback rides! They require strength, but can be done with grace to bring out the beauty within!

BECCA: You have taken me down memory lane…which is filled with nothing but laughter. I think we should recreate the “Wall O’ Pharm” before our next recert! Although I don’t know if I can relive another event that is associated with the keywords “Bijal’s place, chai tea, psychiatry, petting the couch.” I died laughing reading about it!!! Are we sure we were in grad school? ☺

Leslie: I will never forget how to read a CT scan thanks to you…lol. I think we’re supposed to meet special people at certain points in life, and the reasons of how & where we meet are mere reasons…we would’ve met regardless of grad school, but PA-S life wouldn’t have been as much fun & I wouldn’t have it any other way!

That's it for the moment...stay tuned for the next round...

New Makeover

I think I just got a very expensive makeover. Tis’ no MAC makeover baby, but yet it transformed the pale white lips, colorless cheeks, and pale sunken eyes with pink lips, rosy cheeks, and a natural eye shadow! A lil longer than the usual makeover, took 2 days…who would’ve thought that 2 units of blood could work such magic! Which brings me to the previous blog post about donating blood in times of critical shortages. Someone or more like 2 people provided the best natural makeover I’ve ever had, not just for my face but also my energy level…so give someone a makeover and DONATE BLOOD!!!

Today’s post is a bit different. It’s actually a response to a VERY thoughtful gift that I received yesterday in the form of a message book. I’ll have to come up with a name for this book…hmmm, perhaps “Cancer Addiction” since I’m already quite addicted to it in the little time that I’ve had it! OR, maybe “Cancer Angel” since the front cover says “Angel”. But before I begin to individually respond to a plethora (oh, so happy I could slide my favorite word here) of messages received so far, I would like to thank all those who participated, family & friends, students & teachers, and those whose messages are in process of delivery. And SPECIAL thanks to the 3 wonderful ladies who put this (expensive) project together…expensive because some of those who participated are still waiting for their paychecks for writing such nice words…and those ladies are Heena, Zahra, & Laila, muah!

I’ve also decided to open the blog up without requiring an invitation or login. I’ve come to the realization that it is beyond my knowledge of how many people are sincerely concerned & praying for me & the family, many of whom have shared their thoughts & still a few who seem a bit uncomfortable to bring up the topic, not knowing if they would be intruding on my privacy. Let me assure you, the fire hath spread long ago - ain’t nuttin bout this story clandestine! The blog was always supposed to serve as my voice & to stay connected with those who care to know.

I’ve had several people ask me for reminder emails sent to them with each blog post. Unfortunately, I can have only 10 people receive these reminder emails. Sorry, you’ll just have to check it yourself cuz 10 are full! Feel free to send the blog address to others who ask, especially those who sent messages for the book.

BTW, I really appreciate the hand-written messages, but some of you have really bad handwriting. And some of you have some grammatical mistakes that you need to work on! I’ll start responding to individual messages later…stay posted!

A Good Deed goes unnoticed

As I sit here in the infusion suite on a Saturday afternoon receiving a blood transfusion, second day in a row, I wonder how many of you are juicy enough to donate a lil something!

Did you know that there is a critical shortage of blood in GA (as I'm sure is also occuring in many places)? I’ve been meaning to ask this earlier to any and all who can & are able to donate blood to please do so. Which means, you have to be healthy & have a safe lifestyle so as not to harm yourself and others. As some of you know, I’ve required a few transfusions already & the need will continue. Fortunately, everyone in my family is the same blood type, so I plan not to burden the blood bank too much unless in times of urgencies.

So, today I ask something very important & meaningful of you, and that is to donate wherever you live because someone, somewhere will need your blood. It’s a beautiful gift to offer. If you’re in Atlanta & would like more info, please respond to the blog or email me @ Amynahj@gmail.com & I can arrange for your donation. If we can get a group together, I will serve you juice & crackers (so long as my counts allow me to be present in a crowd)!

Thank You from the bottom of my heart!

A few pictures for your entertainment

Enjoy!
Jan '08: Conorado Island The first serious thought of malignancy around this time...














Just chemo-iing around...
2nd cycle...still had my own hair
Can you count the # of bags on the IV pole?

But this is what happens when you chemo-around too much...don't try it at home!

The first day when hair started falling out

Let's clarify any misconceptions - this is my REAL hair, after I donated it, prior to chemo.

Meet my newly found younger sister, Veronica!

Rub thy head & your wish may be granted...no Budda belly, no jeanie in a bottle, but just a home-grown head

Pictures from when Becca, Leslie, & lil Joseph came to town to visit...

PA school taught us to bag through the mouth...we decided we'd try the nostril instead! May the manicand RIP...

A lil fun ride down the stairs in the new Emory Medical School building (reaping the benefits of our tuition money towards Emory)

Brio Trio...an age old tradition (except Brio changed their dessert options, and what they go were 3 dramatic queens)

Becca, Mina, Leslie with baby Joseph...what a chugger!

Shhhhh....he's sleeping in Aunty Amynah's arms












Hope you've enjoyed just a glimpse of the fun that surrounds me.

Miracles Do Happen!!!

“Dreams CAN come true,” my oncology doc told me the night before my endoscopy when I shared with him the dream my mom had. She dreamt that the doctor couldn’t find anything in the endoscopy!

As many of you know that I had an endoscopy yesterday. Before my GI doc began the procedure, I told him about the dream & that he shouldn’t find anything. And being a good listener as he is, he didn’t!!! When he came in the recovery room, he said that had he not known what existed & where, he wouldn’t have been able to find much. All that is left now is a little scar on visual inspection. Biopsies were taken for microscopic evaluation. Tis’ no less than a miracle to have such great prognosis so early on in the course of treatment! This one adds to the list of many miracles that preceded it during the time of diagnosis & early care.

My nurse in the recovery area kept complementing on my head. If you haven’t seen it yet, you ARE definitely missing out! A couple folks have mentioned that I look like a character from Star Wars. And the nurse yesterday was insistent that I send my picture for the next Star Trek & Star Wars movie :-). If I like you then I’ll let you rub my head for good luck…virtual rubs are also available for the out of town folks (for a higher premium though).

In my email yesterday, I think I confused a few people. The cancer is probably not gone even though visually it seems like almost a complete resolution. I will still need chemo & surgery, but the surgery will be far less extensive. The therapy continues as is. The endoscopy was just to tell us that whatever we’re doing is working! Although, I’ve already planted the seed for bargaining with my doc about reducing the chemo tx given such promising news. And as you know, brown people are known for bargaining…other than the fact that my doc is also brown :-). I’m sure he’ll do what’s best for me overall cuz if you leave it up to me, I would’ve stopped chemo like yesterday! I’ll just say that it took a LOT of self-convincing to go get chemo today!

And just when I was thinking no more chemo, I ended up sitting in between 2 jolly ol’ men today at the clinic. Both looked like they were probably in their 60s. One was actually 90 years old & this was his 5th cancer, all 5 being different & unrelated cancers! His first cancer was caught by a nodule in his neck that he used to play around with while he was in service. Talk about being a fighter – 5 different types of cancers & still going (kinda like the energizer bunny) – whoa, age 90 & looks like 65, & quite a funny man. And not only that, his wife also looks young. I don’t know how old she is, but she looks like she’s been with him for a while. I always wanted to find someone who would make me laugh…today I am convinced that my thought process was right! I think women who look young after years of marriage, even though they’re in old age, look young because their husbands keep them laughing. I would know, I live with one of these special couples, my parents!

So, the moral of yesterday was…believe in miracles, because they do happen!
And the moral of today is…
- for all the single girls reading this, take heed of the above advice when looking for a guy
- for the single guys, if you want a good girl, make sure you know how to make someone laugh,
- for the couples, well first, smile & laugh at a single girl’s love advice, & then apply it to your lives if missing in action :-)